curhatanku, teriakan hati di selasa pagi

there.. he is sitting in front of that PC computer I bought for him.. near my study room...., and across him, here I am, sitting on the dining chair facing my laptop on the dining table... we didn't speak at all... our fight last night really struck me, it hits me hard, that I can't agree with him on coming home late almost everyday with uncertain reasons... I am beyond sad... I can't tell what's really going on here coz it's personal and in my religion it is forbidden to tell our issues on public... 

this is tiring... I am exhausted pursuing the dream of happy family where our vision and mission are not even close to similar... his way of doing things the "single" way and me with the whole commitment shit way (pardon my language), makes me way beyond feeling exhausted than working hard for living...  

about a minute ago I called my mom to discuss about the house electricity being fixed and the trip we are going to take tomorrow... my mom asked about my husband's presence (since he's jobless at the moment) and his availability to stay home while the electricity in our house is being repaired, when I sad he can't stay home and watch those guys fixing things, my mom said she feels sorry for me being a housewife that has so much burden and joking about a famous newlywed singer who were just abused by her husband that still a hot news on TV... we laughed and suddenly I cried... I can't say a word and my mom seems to understand... she ended the conversation by saying that her house will always be open for me if I want to stay there again.... 

My heart breaks... the last thing I want to do is to hurt my mom.. I want her to be happy, I don't want her to be sad... especially now since my dad has passed a year ago.... God.. I remember how I cried since last night, and this morning when I took a shower and when I pray my Subuh praying, my tears keep falling and they're falling hard... and I must stop them...! a colleague will be here any minute now to pick me up to work... all I can do is to pray to Allah the great almighty... I am sure with Allah, I will survive..

Amiin...

ambang kehancuran

Looks like the marriage is really getting down, breaking into pieces this time...

agreed on separation... we must move on...

Don't Be Sad

"La Tahzan... jangan bersedih... don't be sad... one of a great books that I must read more often to gain patience to its maximum and to always feel blessed facing life in any circumstances Allah has written for me..."

gundah

"berjuang memenangkan pahala kesabaran"

"people who work, should (or must) know how to separate their personal with their professional issues..."

PISSED!!!!

Asli gue hari ini Pissed off abis sama Kajur PU.. asli!!!!!! gue mau cerita detail, tapi gue tulis dulu status gue di Facebook atas luapan amarah gue dan temen gue (sesama dosen) yang feel that we both are being played, being lied, being backstabbed, and all bad things that we never see they're coming... what a loser!!!!

anyway, here's my FB Status and my friend and I created to be written out loud on my FB status...

Tuhan akan memberimu kehidupan yg lebih baik jika kamu mau berubah dan mendekatkan diri kepadaNya, dan Tuhan tidak akan membukakan pintu rejeki kepada orang2 yang tidak bersyukur. Maka merugilah jika kamu seorang pengiri dan pendengki. Orang yang penuh dengan kebohongan dan kepura-puraan tidak akan mendapatkan berkah dalam hidupnya... apalagi teman sejati... teman sejati akan pergi meninggalkanmu satu per-satu dan tinggalah kamu sendirian dalam kesesatan dan kebohonganmu...

gue bener2 benci pembohong.... I will write and add this section soon....

janjiku

maaf diaryku, aku belum menulis lagi... aku lagi penuh jadwalnya... bener2 mabok ngejar uang... nanti aku ceritakan disini ya... maaf diaryku, aku akan lebih rajin menulis... tunggu sunyi.. perhaps tonite yaa

My Song of the Week!!!!

[oh my God, lagu ini bener2 dalem bangeeeett!!! benar benar "kena" ama perasaan gue saat ini... can't get it out of my head, it makes me cry everytime I listen and sing this song...]

The Virgin - Cinta Terlarang

Kau kan slalu tersimpan di Hatiku
Meski ragamu tak dapat ku miliki
Jiwaku kan slalu bersamamu
Meski kau tercipta bukan untukku

Tuhan berikan aku hidup satu kali lagi
Hanya untuk bersamanya
Ku mencintainya sungguh mencintainya

Rasa ini sungguh tak wajar
Namun ku ingin tetap bersama dia
Untuk selamanya

Mengapa cinta ini terlarang
Saat ku yakini kaulah milikku
Mengapa cinta kita tak bisa bersatu
Saat ku yakin tak ada cinta selain dirimu

gue keterlaluan

gue bener bener keterlaluan... males nulis di blog karena keasikan mainan kuis facebook.... harus di stop nih... minimal kalo mo posting image quizzes result gue, gue harus menulis juga.... amin amiiin... 

obsessed with quizes?

More Quizzes

Quizzes to Ease some Boredom [again]

gleek!!!

malem malem ngga bisa tidur.... padahal udah jam setengah tiga pagi... trus daritadi mainan kuisnya fesbuk... sambil dengerin TVONE... dan ada hal yang bikin gue noleh ke TV.... ada iklan wawancara Farhan dengan Pram si peramal... dan dia bilang sesuatu yang buat gue nyadar bahwa gue sebelumnya belum pernah notice..

"Indonesia parah.. semua presiden-nya ga ada yang pernah serah terima.. dari dulu semuanya MUSUHAANN!!!!"

glek.. bener juga nih orang!!!

Bosan!

duh sumpah gue bosen banget! main FB bosen, ngisi blog bosen (padahal jarang nulis gimana coba bisa bosen?!?), ngapa-ngapain bosen... semua bosen deh.... sekarang gue lagi ngajar di hari sabtu, yes sabtu! karena harus make up class (ngeganti kelas yang di cancel) waktu beberapa minggu lalu gue kena flu itu... hhhaahh sabtu sabtu ngajar.. tapi enak sih, santai walau yang dikerjakan serius...

gue mo ngapain ya... main kuis di FB malam juga, main Sims 2 ga ada di laptop Mac gue ini... ahh... gue mending siap-siap aja deh.. udah mo jam 4 berarti gue bentar lagi pulang... sik asiiikk... moga moga ga macet...